Bi-coastal livin', but east coastal stayin'

I wrote the following entry over a month ago in flight from NYC to SF for Thanksgiving. At the time, I had not made the decision whether or not to stay in NY or end my time here and return to California. Well, thanks to a lot of sleepless nights and some soul searching I am happy and relieved, to have made the decision to call New York my home...at least for now. I recently (as recently as yesterday, as a matter of fact), signed a 1 year lease for a cute little studio in Tribeca. So we'll see what 2010 in NYC will have in stored for me. I know already that it will be different as I will be starting the New Year with a place of my own. I am both excited about that, but also a bit nervous. It was sort of nice to always come home to at least one person (I had 3 to look forward to seeing everytime I came home). In fact, throughout my 11 month stay at 79 Reade, I was home alone maybe only once, and I remember thinking it was sort of spooky. But I guess that makes sense because when you are use to other people in your living space, you subconsciously expect someone to be there, so when they're not, you become more sensitive and uncomfortable in your environment. (I have a dear friend who had to sleep at her sister's house when her husband and children went away on a ski trip....so I guess it's somewhat normal). Hopefully I will adjust to my new living situation quickly and smoothly. I have a feeling I will..well, at least by 1/8/10 when the cable/internet is hooked-up. :-) Until then...it'll be long nights at the gym, long talks on the phone, tylenol PM and a lot of reading for me.

Here is the entry from 11/22/09:

I am on my way home for Thanksgiving. It’s been almost 3 months since I’ve been home and sometimes that feels like a long time and at other times it seems like I was just there. So much has happened in those 3 months, but even more has happened in the 10 months that I’ve lived here, so much so that it’s been hard, as you know, for me to even keep up with this blog. (My apologies for that…but as I keep telling one of my best friends whenever she asks me why I haven’t blogged, “That’s because I’m busy living.”)
In any case, when it comes to this subject of “home” what has been troubling me lately is what that is and where that is for me now. I find myself using the term home when I talk about CA, but I also refer to New York as my home too. So at the moment, although I guess I’m pretty lucky to be bi-coastal and have the benefit of 2 homes, I have also never felt more homeless.

A year ago last year, I was in SF contemplating the idea of moving to New York. In doing so I remembered vacillating and agonizing over that decision for months. And during one of those moments, a dear friend of mine, who has moved several times across country herself told me, that wherever I go, I will experience that same agony when I am ready to leave. I didn’t quite believe her as I feel so strongly rooted in the bay area that there’s no way that even a year in New York would make me feel otherwise, but at this moment, her words are resonating and I am left with the same feelings of confusion and trepidation that I experienced a year ago as I near the completion of my 1 year goal (January 18, 2010) of experiencing life in New York.

The first year anywhere is always the hardest. I can say without hesitation that this first year has been not only one of the most rewarding, but also the toughest. Whenever anyone talks about life in New York, the motto “If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere” usually follows…and I believe there’s a reason for that. Living day to day with over 10 million people in a small city can be challenging. You really have to be a people person to love the chaos and energy that New York City provides. But at the same time, it is that same energy and chaos that continues to draw people to this great city. And I must say for the record, because New Yorkers have such a bad rap, that on average the people I’ve encountered in New York are some of the nicest, most driven and intellectual people I have ever met. And I don’t at all mean to disrespect the people out west, but there is definitely a different sensibility, style, and drive that exists in the west coast versus the east coast, and I don’t think many people would disagree with my observation.

So having almost spent an entire year in the east coast and seeing, learning, growing, and experiencing life out here, I could say without hesitation that I have absolutely zero regrets for leaving all that I knew in CA to try something new in NY. In fact, my only regret would be to have not done it sooner. And in keeping in line with living without any regrets, I have to ask myself now, will I regret leaving New York just because the one year deadline that I placed upon myself is drawing near? Clearly I have had point of views from people arguing for both…but ultimately as you know, it’s a decision that I need to make for myself and so I am hoping that going “home” this week and spending an entire week there will somehow reveal the answer for me to the question:

Did I really leave my heart in San Francisco or has New York become the big apple of my eye?